my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
