I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
