If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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