WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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