I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
