okay pat passed out under dana's car
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
