He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
