i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
