is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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