I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
