I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
