All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
