hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I cut my penus on the lid.
this boner is exhausting
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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