Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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