I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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