enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
