they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
