You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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