It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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