Umm I'm too high to move.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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