You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
