so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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