I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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