I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
