this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
