I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
