I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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