i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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