is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
