Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
