apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
