I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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