Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
