I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
