don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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