I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
