how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
