she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
