Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
