just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
