im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
