your thong is hanging out like whoa
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
