and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
