I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
