Porn is love you can see.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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