Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
