You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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