Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
