i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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