I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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