im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
