I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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